Recent Small Group Topic

A common topic in my life recently has been the ever popular questions on dating. I have had so many conversations with friends and family and have had to deal with this topic recently in my life as well. After having these conversations I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and have so many ideas going in circles in my head that I thought it’d be best to just write them all out somewhere. It is something in which I am very passionate about and have very strong feelings about, so I am going to share my thoughts. And don’t worry, I’ll attempt to make my thoughts appear in order and actually make sense, hehe. By the way, this is geared more towards high school since I am a jr. high/ high school leader at my church and I’ve been talking with my girls about this recently.

Society has such a messed up view on dating. So many people think “Oh, he looks good in his Hollister clothes and has some money…. That’s good enough for me.” or “She looks fine in her baby gap clothes… that’s good enough for me.” This is absolutely ridiculous; have some standards!! Guys need to have a girl they can look to who has good Godly characteristics that they can measure girls up to. And girls need to have a Godly man in their life that they can look up to as well who has good Godly characteristics. We all need SOMEONE to look to and say “you know what, that’s what I want, that’s what I need in a person to date.” Don’t let society dictate to you who or how to date. If you want to do dating right you should be doing it by God’s standards and you should realize that it isn’t about who or how you date. Dating is about WHO YOU ARE and that determines who and how you date.

So many people end up in nightmares relationships and blame the other person when really it isn’t the other person’s fault at all. It’s your fault, you chose them. And it’s interesting how almost always the reason the relationship is jacked up and your spending every night crying over your relationship is because it does not involve God. Another big reason relationships fail or have major issues is because they are not following what God said in 2 Corinthians 6:14. Christ would NEVER pair a Christian with a non Christian, so neither should you. This cancels out “missionary dating” immediately. I have known several people who have been involved in missionary dating and it always has ended badly. The reason for this, to me, is that it is because you have the wrong motives for the person’s salvation and you are both going separate ways spiritually. Until you are a Christian the bible says you are spiritually dead. How can someone who is living for God grow in their walk when they are carrying dead weight with them? Which brings me to another point, just because you’re both Christians does not mean it’s okay to date. You must be on the same level spiritually and going the same way. Picture it like this, you have a rope which ties you to the other person, kinda like in a three-legged race. You are bound to one another in this relationship, but one of you is a “baby Christian” and just starting on your walk with God while the other is more “seasoned”. The baby Christian will hold the more seasoned Christian back because where one is going the other cannot follow; they are not at that level in their walk yet, get it? One is chasing after the Lord while the other is holding them back. So the question to ask before dating someone is, do your desires for God match?

When to date is another big question. I have seen so many 12 and 13 year olds complaining that their parents won’t let them have a boyfriend. Well, you know what, maybe you should be able to spell boy and girl before you date. And even in high school I see how dating can be seen as a waste of time, money, and putting both you and someone else in needless temptation. Song of Solomon 2:8 talks about not awakening love before it so desires. I know many of you are probably thinking “If I don’t date I will never find ‘the one’.” This is not true. Have you ever heard of faith in God that He will bring that person to you? And in fact if you are not dating and making yourself so available it may make it that much more clear when “the one” comes into your life.

What if everything you knew about dating was wrong? What if everything you’ve been doing and has been taught is wrong? Would you be willing to change it and makes things right before God? I very firmly believe that if you honor God, God will honor you. So would you be willing to change what you’re doing? How you date? My thoughts on dating have always been a little different, as most of you know. I see group dating as a better alternative for the stage of life that I am currently in. Personally I do not see anything that you can’t do in a group date that you either shouldn’t be doing or might be tempted to do if you were one on one. You still spend time with that person and still get to talk, and it protects you from needless temptation. When you do things one on one as society tells you are playing with fire. And 99% of the time, fire does burn you. Proverbs 16:18. Don’t get into a place of “couple comfort” where you are just all over one another Don’t swallow what the world tells you to do, think for yourself and line it up with God’s word. That’s not to say that I disagree with one on one time altogether, though. I think that is a very vital part in building your relationship with the other person, so alone time is important. I just do not think it should be in excess.

Finally, what should you do and how should you act on a date? First, guys MUST be very careful about what they say. Girls take things so much more seriously and different definitions about words than guys do. So, be especially careful about using the “L” word. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. You must also watch what you do physically. Physically, you are not made to stop once you start down a path. So, save yourself the trouble and just don’t even go there. Set up standards BEFORE you enter into a relationship. And if you’re really committed, write them down. And the second one of those standards is broken, the relationship is off because trust has been violated. Always remember on a date, it’s not “How far can I go?” but rather “How pure can I be?”. And remember, one can always lose, but never return to innocence. You should treat everyone you date as if they are your own brother or sister. 1Timothy 5:12. Let’s say you and your family were all having dinner and talking about your day and then suddenly, you slip your hand over on top of your sister’s thigh…. Is that jacked up in your head? It should be! That is exactly how it should be on a date you are not to treat them any different than you would your sister or brother. And be careful because you’re probably dating someone else’s husband or wife. So treat them how you would want someone to treat your future husband or wife. Please God with every one of your actions and keep Him at the center of your relationship.

Well, there you have it, just a few things that have been on my mind recently. I’m sorry if it’s kinda chaotic…